sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
