I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
