no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
