Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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