my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
