You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
