I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your cock deserves a montage
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
