Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
