im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
