Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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