if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
