Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
