Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
