Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
