One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
