nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
