Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
