You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
