Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize