I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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