The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
