You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
