Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
