We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
