I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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