She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
