I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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