Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize