you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dont even know how to be here
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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