I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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