You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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