you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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