Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
