yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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