Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
