I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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