Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize