i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Someone came in the potted fern
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
