I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
