the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
