Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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