Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
