Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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