U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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