A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
