I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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