Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
