good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
