Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
try to milk me bitch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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