You just made me feel so damn special
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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