I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
