I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
