I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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