ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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