But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
