just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
