i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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