you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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