no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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