Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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