sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
