therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize