Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
