If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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