Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize