Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
