No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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