Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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