If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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