you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
