good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
