If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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