Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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