and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
