Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
