My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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