All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
