if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
